sundry thoughts

i'm going to ramble for a bit

I've been thinking a lot about relationships (obviously...see below). I have a tendency to share too much, to open up too much to whoever. Now I don't believe transparency is a bad thing at all, but I am all for guarding my heart as well. I'm awful at the guarding my heart part. Let me theorize and philosophize a bit about this.

I think this stems from a deep-seated desire for intimacy with God. I have incredible difficulty opening up and praying my heart, in a sense, to Him. He already knows, right? Why would I want to tell Him and re-hash how bad I am? But I have almost no trouble pouring this on other people. This inherently puts a lot of pressure on a friendship or relationship (I'm really talking more about friendship/relationship with the opposite sex). Now I believe that with a serious romantic relationship this is healthy as the relationship progresses, but sharing my heart (beyond a certain extent) with every girl I come in contact with and have an extended conversation with can't be healthy. Does my future wife want me to load onto others my emotional baggage? I seriously doubt it. Think about it - when you're married, do you have close friends of the opposite sex? This is rare, and potentially incredibly dangerous.

So this said, I don't mean to imply that we should be closed-off, pursuing a courting lifestyle, forming close relationships with "potential" mates' fathers and pouring it all out on them. I don't think this is healthy either. We need to find a "happy medium" of sharing and relating where we don't seem withdrawn and distant. We have to let the wall down a little, but we can't crash it down on every person we come in contact with. There's already someone who listens and fully understands, and yet loves us.

I don't really have a strong closing thought to cap it all off, so I won't ramble any more.