time for a new one
it's time i wrote a new blog
i have no idea where i want to take this, so bear with me...it may be disconnected
:patience
patience was not something God blessed me with a lot of. i am always looking for the quick fix to everything, whether it's dating or my quiet times or school or whatever else. i feel like my thoughts are so regimented and narrow that there should be a formula for everything. maybe this comes from my math/engineering left-brainedness (is that a word?). i guess my choice of career fits this, though i'm finding out more and more that finance (or the stock market) can't be put into a formula -- take that markowitz!
:desire
i've been thinking a lot about my desires and dreams lately. are they misplaced or too self-centered? i don't know. here's my dilemma: i am called to glorify God in everything i do -- think, speak, do...but how does this translate into everyday living? are my thoughts his thoughts? am i doing the most pleasing thing in His eyes? i desire a family, a house, 2.5 kids, and a dog...along with a white picket fence, but am i making this a priority? and is it wrong to want these things? maybe my desires are less tempered than they need to be - sometimes i feel frustrated because i have none of these things yet...and the thought that i might never have these things scares me. but i'm not called to comfort. and these things i perceive as comfortable. so is it wrong to want these things? i hear St. Augustine quoted so many times -- "love God, and do what you want" -- but i think this is so mis-applied in our lives. David writes in the Psalms that if we delight in the Lord, He will give us the desires of our hearts. and Paul writes so many times of our desires being fleshly and evil. so, how do i distinguish between what my fleshly desires and Godly desires are? i don't know. i do know we have freedom in Christ, and this is really where Augustine was going with his message. if we're truly seeking the heart of God, then our desires will be His desires...and this is freedom, but not freedom to do what we want. i think maybe it's taken to the extent of being license [to sin] instead of freedom, and that everything is just covered under grace (it is, i'm not disputing this). there's so much more i could write on this, but i'm reaching the rambling stage at this point.
:grace
Paul, as he progressed in his ministry, points out to a greater extent as he ages how much a sinner he really is. i think this is a major part of the maturing process -- realizing how incredibly wretched our hearts are. i also think as we realize how incredibly wretched our hearts are, we realize more and more how big God's grace really is. BIG
:work/school
on a lighter note, i found out last week i passed level I of the CFA. 2 to go, but this is a huge weight off my shoulders...finding out i passed, that is. it pretty much consumed my non-school/work time from january through june. now i have to start thinking about level II next june. i'm working now for a wealth management firm here in atlanta, and i'm loving it. i hope i can go on full-time with them after i graduate in december. oh, and i graduate in december. december 16. that's when i give tech the metaphorical "bird." except on gameday.
so, have i reached any conclusions? barely. but isn't life always a continuance?
until next time...
